I am trying. I’m not sure if you know or even notice but I do. I do try. Sometimes I even struggle. I can’t seem to catch up on who you’d like me to be because I’m me. I used to think you’re right of saying I dwell a lot but now I know that I don’t. I’m just me. I used to think with your love there’s acceptance but I guess there’s acceptance “anyway”. It’s crass to say that you love me “anyway” despite of me but know that it’s painful for me to admit too that you always see me as someone who needs to change.
That being said, I can say that I’ve tried. I think I’m done trying. I’ve compromised myself long enough for the essence of trying. I did not see it coming but with my age, realizations come. I’ve met up with the fact that I can’t keep holding back who I am just to please you. I might languish if I don’t break free.
I know you’re the only person who can love me purely. I know that your lap will always be the greatest place for comfort but I need you to let me grow up. Let me live outside your shadow. Trust me with my life without thinking I’m disrespectful, arrogant or ungrateful. I am grateful to you because if I’m not, I wouldn’t need to seek for respect in being the person you’ve raised us to be: someone who can stand independently. It’s not that I don’t need you anymore. It’s just that I know I don’t need anyone’s approval of handling something that’s entirely my business – my life.
I don’t want you to change. I just need you to let go. I respect you. It’s just for most of the time; I wish you’ll have faith in me too.
I love you,
P.S. The truth is I know now where I go from here.